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Making Out Like a Virgin: Sex, Desire & Intimacy After Sexual Trauma, by Cathy Plourde

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Review

What a sweet and inspiring gift to receive: stories that promise a life beyond the trauma - one that is vibrant, passionate, and full of possibility. Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence This collection fills a gap in available literature about survivorship and healing, and is a gift for those of us working alongside survivors and those of us who are slurvivors ourselves. Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs What a gift to anyone recovering from sexual trauma or anyone wanting to accompany them on their journeys to recovery and fulfillment. David Walsh, Author, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen.the first book about child sexual assault that has ever made me feel understood, heard, accepted into a community, and healthy in my recovery. The telling of our stories is not only part of personal healing, but, I hope, a part of a global healing that must begin. Yehudit Zicklin-Sidikman, El HaLev NGO Rich in honest detailsI came away enlightened by the variety of their experiences and inspired by the commitment of each writer to heal, grow, and thrive. Cheryl Burghdorf, Professor of English As a faculty member who teaches mostly young college women and those with sexual and gender minority identities, not a semester goes by without at least one student telling me of a recent experience of sexual trauma, and all too many sharing histories of trauma and abuse. Some ask me if they will ever "recover" and be able to reclaim their full selves. I tell them it is a long, slow, non-linear process, but yes, I believe it is possible. With the publication of this book, my students will no longer have to take my word for this! Jacqueline S. Weinstock, University of Vermont An essential bookThough of different countries, races, genders, orientations, backgrounds, and experiences, their tales weave together a tapestry of courage, strength, resourcefulness, resilience, and hope. Luca Maurer, co-author, The Teaching Transgender Toolkit Immensely helpful to those who call themselves victims and those who call themselves survivors and those readers looking for a more complex understanding of sexuality after trauma, growth, recovery, and healing. Sharon Lamb, Author, Packaging Girlhood, and Sex, Therapy, and Kids. Tales of resilience offer hope to others who have been traumatized, to those who work in the helping/healing field, and to those of us who envision a world in which the forces of light have prevailed. The Bingham Program, Tufts Medical Center A poignant, diverse and courageous collection of experiences of sexual trauma that celebrate our resilience as human beings to survive, heal, and live fully satisfying lives. Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault Finally, a book that explores the effects of sexual assault on both women and men ...survivors can hear from other survivors that healing is attainable. Wendi Dragonfire, Shuri-Ryu and Empowerment Self Defense, Netherlands and Germany After 26 years of working with well over 800 male survivors and a couple dozen female survivors, I am well aware of the range of losses (or thefts) experienced by survivors of sexual abuse. However, the greatest theft is the loss of true intimacy-emotional, psychological, or sexual. The testimonies offer specific examples of the real possibility of regaining one's natural, joyful, and fulfilling sexual and emotional connectedness. It's not just a lovely sounding theory, this book gives concrete examples and thereby a newfound hope. British Columbia Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Through a diversity of voices and perspectives--all the richer for having included the oftentimes marginalized experiences of boys and men--we ultimately rediscover our common humanity. Those who have experienced abuse will find inspiration in these stories. Canadian Association for Equality"What a gift to anyone recovering from sexual trauma or anyone wanting to accompany them on their journeys to recovery and fulfillment." DAVID WALSH, Author, Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen. "Stories that promise a life beyond the trauma - one that is vibrant, passionate, and full of possibility." Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence "This collection fills a gap in available literature about survivorship and healing." Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programsthe first book about child sexual assault that has ever made me feel understood, heard, accepted into a community, and healthy in my recovery." YEHUDIT ZICKLIN-SIDIKMAN, El HaLev NGO, Isreal "Rich in honest details." CHERYL BURGHDORF, Professor of English "Some ask me if they will ever "recover" and be able to reclaim their full selves. I tell them it is a long, slow, non-linear process, but yes, I believe it is possible. With the publication of this book, my students will no longer have to take my word for this!" JACQUELINE S. WEINSTOCK, University of Vermont "An essential book Though of different countries, races, genders, orientations, backgrounds, and experiences, their tales weave together a tapestry of courage, strength, resourcefulness, resilience, and hope." LUCA MAURER, Program director, The Center for LGBT Education, co-author, The Teaching Transgender ToolkitImmensely helpful to those who call themselves victims and those who call themselves survivors and those readers looking for a more complex understanding of sexuality after trauma, growth, recovery, and healing." SHARON LAMB, Author, Packaging Girlhood, and Sex, Therapy, and Kids.Tales of resilience offer hope to others who have been traumatized, to those who work in the helping/healing field, and to those of us who envision a world in which the forces of light have prevailed." The Bingham Program, Tufts Medical Center "A poignant, diverse and courageous collection of experiences of sexual trauma that celebrate our resilience as human beings to survive, heal, and live fully satisfying lives." Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault "Finally, a book that explores the effects of sexual assault on both women and men survivors can hear from other survivors that healing is attainable." WENDI DRAGONFIRE, Shuri-Ryu and Empowerment Self Defense, Netherlands and Germany "After 26 years of working with well over 800 male survivors and a couple dozen female survivors, I am well aware of the range of losses (or thefts) experienced by survivors of sexual abuse. However, the greatest theft is the loss of true intimacy-emotional, psychological, or sexual. The testimonies offer specific examples of the real possibility of regaining one's natural, joyful, and fulfilling sexual and emotional connectedness. It's not just a lovely sounding theory, this book gives concrete examples and thereby a newfound hope." British Columbia Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse "Through a diversity of voices and perspectives--all the richer for having included the oftentimes marginalized experiences of boys and men--we ultimately rediscover our common humanity. Those who have experienced abuse will find inspiration in these stories." Canadian Association for Equality

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About the Author

Catriona McHardy has spent her life studying human sexuality and formally held a career promoting healthy expressions of sexuality, individually and culturally. In 32 years at Planned Parenthood of Northern New England, she rose from health care associate to longtime Vice President for Education and Training. She led a team of "sexperts" who provided sexuality education and training to professionals, teens, and parents regionally, nationally, and internationally, including Uganda and Russia. Catriona is a consultant and trainer on issues pertaining to sexual expression and sex positive culture, and a faculty member at Community College of Vermont, where she teaches courses in communication, race, ethnicity, class and gender, and human sexuality. She has served as national co-chair of the Association of Planned Parenthood Leaders in Education and has won the PPFA's Award as Director of the Year. Catriona was named as the first Distinguished Alumni Award from the Vermont State College Hall of Fame. She was a longstanding board member of the Women's Crisis Center in Brattleboro Vermont and Outright Vermont.

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Product details

Paperback: 186 pages

Publisher: Portlyn Media (October 18, 2016)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 194456800X

ISBN-13: 978-1944568009

Product Dimensions:

6 x 0.4 x 9 inches

Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.8 out of 5 stars

8 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#1,560,404 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Rather than doing a statistical analysis, providing a self-help book or writing a memoir with the point of view from a single person, Catriona McHardy, Cathy Plourde & Sue William Silverman invited 17 sexual trauma victims turned into survivors to tell their own stories or the lessons learned from the past. Making Out Like a Virgin: Sex, Desire & Intimacy After Sexual Trauma is a unique collection of women, men, and transgender, from the United States of America, but also Cairo, Dubai, Dublin, Melbourne, and Toronto. The survivors are now in their mid-20's to 60's.Their contributions don't focus on the rape or other sexual assault in detail, nor the aggressors, although the way 'things' happened are described in both honest, superficial, or raw phrases. You will encounter consent, the need for power or transactional sex, incidents and lasting abuse. Sex separated from love, sex with minors, same-sex rape, drug-related sex, etc. You will meet queers before and after coming out, struggles to rediscover pleasure, and repositioning sex in a relationship and love. Some found healing in women's groups, others in practicing yoga, mindfulness, or traveling through South America.The book's narrative go way beyond just survival but excels in flourishing as reborn humans, willing to educate others, remain faithful to their current partners, writing books or discovering the world around being not a horrible place. Broken vessels or damaged goods renewed!

Sexual trauma affects all genders and races: this is at least the one lesson you will take away from this book.Collecting stories from many contributors, although each one is short, they are full of emotions and pain. What it means to learn to trust others again, what is it about society that affects everyone of us... so on and so forth.I love that the stories are not about blame, guilt and shame exclusively - the contributors flourished, healed from the pain and become someone better than before. It is inspiring.*I got a free copy in exchange for an honest review from NetGalley

"Making Out Like a Virgin" is a powerful collection of stories filled with hope, healing and inspiration for survivors and their allies. While many of the stories are heart-wrenching, each one offers universal takeaways -- from embracing our full, authentic selves to undoing sexual shame. I greatly appreciate the diversity in the book, which includes authors of a variety of genders and backgrounds, and the common myths it debunks through story. Huge kudos to the authors and editors, for this book has the potential to help countless.

This compassionate book was created to help survivors of sexual trauma enjoy life as whole human beings. I gave to the crowd funding campaign to support this project and received as a premium the audiobook version performed by Tavia Gilbert, who also performed a novel I wrote. I knew Tavia's reading would be heartfelt and emotional, and it is. The book contains powerful chapter essays written by women and men who have been sexually traumatized, who recount the hard process of reclaiming their own lives. Many of these essayists have become sex therapists and counselors and are helping others who have been exploited and defiled. "Making Out Like a Virgin..." contains hope and inspiration for those on the journey toward wholeness, and helpful insights for those who want to better love and care for them.

What a beautiful collection of stories! I listened to the audiobook version of this-- beautifully rendered, true to the heart, funny and deeply moving, this collection of stories around sexual trauma and healing is a gift to the soul. Balm to a weary heart regardless of your connection to the subject matter. I was, at turns, moved to laughter and to tears.A beautiful, honest, and moving series of essays.

Looking for a resource for resilience? No checklists or "how-to" baloney - just stories. Stories of trauma, told simply. Stories of recovery, all varieties for all kinds - you may be reflected here, you may not, but you will be moved, and inspired. Get it!

Making Out Like A Virgin is a gift to survivors of violence and to anyone who has worked to reclaim joy in life following trauma.The courage of these authors is notable and their journeys to sexual health and freedom are inspiring. What is unique in this work is the focus on healing and forward movement rather than on the story of the trauma experienced. The diversity of voices makes the work accessible and relatable to all. Hats off the the authors and editors.

i thought it would be a hard book to read as a survivor , but no. i actually laughed alot at the similarities we all have and the things we do to abuse ourselves. Like drugs or war change the brain so does sexual trauma. THis is a must give or get gift for lovers of those effected and those effected . Even family.

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