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Banished: Surviving My Years in the Westboro Baptist Church, by Lauren Drain Lisa Pulitzer

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Review

"Banished is an insightful and candid testimony by a brave young woman who even now refuses to speak ill of the family who has disowned her." -Landmark Report"Provides important insights into how fundamentalist movements attract and reprogram eager seekers, and the psychological effort required for survivors to adapt to life outside their reality-distortion field." -The Daily Beast"Her narrative of these horrifying pickets are detailed ("we became almost possessed")" -Publishers Weekly"Provides a disturbing look into the fringe group." -USA TODAY

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From the Author

I have dedicated this book to my siblings, whom I still hold incredibly dear to my heart and who were my inspiration for writing this book. Although I will never again hold up a sign judging another person, I want you each to know that I have not lost faith in God. I believe love of family is one of the most incredible and precious things in life and a gift from God. I will forever miss and love you, my sweet Faithy Marie, who I know I will never get to know as I deserve to, being your eldest sister. To this day, I can hear your cute little voice in my head saying "I love you, Sissy," as you hugged and kissed me before bed each night, as if it were yesterday. I wish I hadn't missed a single day of you growing up, as it was such a pleasure to watch. Boaz Abel, you are my only brother and have the sweetest little personality, always wanting to take care of young Faithy and protect her, even when you were as young as a toddler. I remember you always running around the house, dressing up in costumes, begging me to take you to fun places, and sneaking down into my room when I was studying. I will never forget the look on your face when I came back to the house after be- ing kicked out, or that you grabbed me tightly when we both knew we wouldn't see each other again. You are such a sweet boy with tremendous potential, and I hope one day you will see that God's love is not celebrated through hate. Taylor, you are a grown woman now, but I can honestly say I will always see you as my little sister and closest friend for six- teen years of my life. The sadness I have over our separation is beyond what words can express. The things we have been through together honestly surpass any bond I have achieved thus far in my life. I remember you sitting every day in your cute little crib always smiling at me when Mom and I came to visit you at the hospital. You have always been incredibly smart, and I remember studying in high school and college and realizing your potential was beyond mine. I wish I could have been there for you on every special occasion, birthday, and graduation to show you how proud of you I am. I hope you do not hold regrets against me and know I will always be here if and when you are ready to pursue the real love of God and discover the love of family. I love and miss each of you.

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Product details

Hardcover: 304 pages

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (March 5, 2013)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 9781455512423

ISBN-13: 978-1455512423

ASIN: 1455512427

Product Dimensions:

6.5 x 1 x 9.5 inches

Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.3 out of 5 stars

298 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#450,395 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

This is not an expose, it is Lauren's memoir. This is not an in-depth account with interviews and researched second-hand information, it is her experiences and observations. That doesn't necessarily make it any less informational, it just wasn't what I initially expected. A few random thoughts...- It is a bit slow at times, though other parts I couldn't put it down.- I did get frustrated at her insecurities at times, though at least she was up front and admitted them. She didn't try to rationalize them.- I do believe that if she had never been banished, or would have been allowed back in shortly thereafter, she'd be in now and this book would never have been written. However, at this point, I do not believe she would ever go back now if the chance were presented.- Her father... where do I start? I almost felt like he was the bigger villain than Fred Phelps himself. Her father fancied himself a lion, but was in reality nothing but a sheep subconsciously willing to latch onto any person with a stronger personality than his. He really set himself up to be a 'tool' of the church, in every intent of the term.- Fred Phelps actually doesn't play prominently in the book, as she didn't have much direct interaction with him. She did, however, have a great deal of interaction with his daughter Shirley who pretty much runs the church anyway.- I have to admit that I was grudgingly impressed by the church's attention to detail and internal self-discipline.- On the flips side, it was repugnant how controlling and paranoid and hypocritical the inner circle family members are. Then again, that really shouldn't come as a surprise.All in all, a good read, very informative, worthwhile, but not quite 5-star worthy. I give it 4 stars.

A fascinating look into the Westboro "Baptist" "Church" and how one family became sucked into it, ultimately banishing their own daughter (Lauren's family is not related to the Phelps by blood or marriage). Lauren's story starts with her own childhood and life before her family moved to Topeka and joined this group, details that prove to be very insightful and important as her story progresses. Her writing style is very simple, straightforward but sufficiently descriptive. Although frequent readers of memoirs will probably find it unimpressive, for me the subject matter was fascinating enough to suck me in. Lauren is self-perceptive and honest, and does her best to explain "what was going through her head," and the book will give you a whole new appreciation for the power of social acceptance and peer pressure. Although I would hate to be her parents or the church and have details shared about me such that she shares in her book, it is still a scintillating, rare opportunity to get on the inside of this cult and what makes them tick. For a few brief (VERY brief) moments, I found myself coveting what she had there at the beginning. She describes this doting new family that bent over backwards to help her and make her feel welcome (though that didn't last) and a close-knit, well-organized community in which even the children have jobs to do that are done without complaint. If you are at all interested in this group and why they do what they do, Lauren's book will suck you in and help you understand. My own reading of it included an extra dose of surrealism because I live in the same town as the Phelps and daily drive past some of the places she mentions.I have two minor critiques of the book. One, there were a few times in her storytelling where the described changes in someone's beliefs or behavior--especially her dad's--seems so abrupt that it's hard to believe its total veracity. Perhaps it was because of the need to shorten stories for brevity. But number two, there are a few moments of seeming inconsistencies in the book. At one point, she mentions that she actually felt she had more freedoms in the church than her previous home, but then literally a few pages later she is talking about how controlling and repressive everything was. Having said that, I'm disappointed with some of the negative reviews I've read. One person said that Lauren comes across as a whiny, boy-crazy teenager, which I did not find true at all (although her short section on the boy interests of her and her friends was the most boring). Another review expressed dismay that she is still a Christian and blasted her for not abandoning belief in God, a critique that can only come from someone who thinks Westboro speaks for all of us or that there is no fundamental difference between them and another Baptist church down the street. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I read some of the negative reviews of this book, and I have to say I don't agree with them at all. Far from feeling "positive" about the WBC, Lauren relates her feelings at the time she was in the church, which are not the same as her feelings after being banished. Of course her feelings at the time she was in the church are going to be happy -- that is what happens when you're brainwashed. Some reviewers have also complained she was a "whiny teenage girl trying to fit in." If you don't know the basics of psychology or what it means to be in a cult, please read up on that before picking up this book so you can appreciate Lauren's message.The WBC has gotten nationwide and perhaps even worldwide attention for its behavior, picketing anything and everything with signs that say "God hates (insert someone or some group here)." While most people are appalled by such behavior, Lauren's father was seduced by the cult, leading him to uproot the entire family to become one of the few non-Phelps families that are part of the cult. Lauren relates her story of the verbal and physical abuse, humiliation, and house arrest that attributed to her brainwashing and becoming a cult member. She explains the thinking behind why God "wants" the WBC to picket funerals, concerts, high school graduations and whatever else, and why she genuinely believed she was doing the right thing at the time. She follows the story through all the way to being banished for talking to a man not part of the church -- resulting in her losing her friends, family, and home for good.Lauren's story is so important for "outsiders" to understand, especially since to date, 19 members of the WBC have escaped. She has started a foundation to encourage members to escape the cult and help them get back on their feet in the "real world." If we are to dissolve this cult, we need to accept ex-members for who they are and not what they used to be, and show them that kindness and compassion go much further than hate to solve our problems.

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